Biff Mitchell lives at the edge of the world. He has no life. He has no friends. Neighborhood children throw stones at his hovel. At night, Biff throws stones at his hovel. Someday Biff plans to write a book about a man who lives in a hovel that is stoned daily by neighborhood children who—through some magical twist of events—turn into snowmen. When Spring arrives, the man’s house melts.

Writing Hurts Like Hell is back this January 23 for. Learn how to overcome the inner demons and write that novel you always dreamed of writing. For more info, click here.

Get Published in 2012! One day workshop January 14. Click here for details.

Photo by Nancy Saunders

MURDER BY ART It’s 2060. In Backstreet Records, a brooding audiophile thinks murder. Upstairs at Studio4Ward where skulls, dreams and beer cans are the stuff of art, 300 pounds of human sculpture dangles dead from the wall. It’s time to call in the notorious super sleuth Boston Jonson to smoke out the murderer with insults and Zen.

Now available from
Amazon

MURDER BY BURGER In the late 21st Century, A body is found in the headquarters of the world’s largest fast food franchise, Barto Burger, creators of the world’s first completely cloned hamburger. . Enter Boston Jonson with his unorthodox mixture of Zen, insults, and hula hula shirts to unravel a startling mystery. in a jungle of underground catacombs and a corporate world gone mad with genetic engineering, cloning and cruelty to old people.

Now available from
Double Dragon Publishing

For some God knows what kind of inexplicability, my HTML editing tool won’t allow me to publish the image for this book. And it’s such a pretty image. Oh well. If you really want to see how pretty it is, click here.

MURDER BY COfFEE When a nasty little plague of people turning into stone in coffee shops around the city threatens the bottom line of the Coffee Cartels and their highly addictive designer coffees, investigative consultant Boston Jonson is tossed into a world where everyone is out to either admire him or kill him, a world of annoying weirdoes who are probably better off turned into stone.

Now available from
Double Dragon Publishing

“In this book, Twisted Tails III, we are dredging up fear and wallowing in it as if it were something to be played with, cuddled and fingers lovingly run through its fur like a cherished pet. What we’re doing here is tinkering with terror of the primal kind. You know what I mean, the sort of fright that lies coiled and ready to spring from the dark corners of the mind with no warning. It awaits all, lurking in the deeper shadows of consciousness. No one is immune and, frequently, there is no cure, you just sink into its roiling depths and are no more. If you do manage to escape, life will no longer be what it was before and you will find yourself glancing nervously over your shoulder whenever you hear something strange in the darkness or see a shadow move in the night...or day. Enjoy...” From the introduction by editor J. Richard Jacobs

The War Bug
The Internet from Earth to Saturn is collapsing from devastating cyber weapons released by warring online city states, taking with it millions of virtual worlds and billions of people, digital and real. Abner Hayes has just a few hours to find his virtual wife and daughter who have been kidnapped by evil forces to learn their startling secret. His only ally is the deadly computer virus that started the destruction.

”[The War Bug] is action-packed, edge-of-your-seat, adult science fiction drama crafted into plausible reality by a talented storyteller.” Susan DiPlacido, author of 24/7

Team Player
The largest software company in the world, ErectSoft INC, has never produced a single product or finished a project. But business is great, especially for the company’s army of homicidal marketing managers. And who cares that thousands of people are jumping off the roof of the tallest building in the world just for the hell of it? The world is going to end in a few hours – unless the most terrifying creature in the universe can be stopped by thirty pagan women and a man who thinks he’s a tree.

“Off-beat, darkly humorous and all-too-realistic, TEAM PLAYER is a truly great read.” Anne Leveille in The Best Reviews

Heavy Load (a laundromance)
Hillary finally meets a man who can give her an orgasm. And then he steals her job. In a few hours, the whole world is going to know about Jeffry’s secret fetish for soiled panties. Baxter’s control over his jock world suddenly crashes when a terrible secret from his past comes back to haunt him, and he can’t get it up anymore. These three people come to the Washing Green Laundromat on a Saturday morning to have their stories told by the world’s first sentient building.

“…each chapter becomes a mini-cliffhanger. That's what makes this a real page-turner.”  Deborah Fisher in Tregolwyn Reviews
 

Surfing in Catal Hyuk
Surfing in Catal Hyuk - the lead story in this collection - examines the life of a man so obscure that even death overlooks him. In Still Life with Muse and Sax, a ball-busting muse torments a writer as God rummages through his medicine cabinet. In The Nickel, a man’s dedication to ritual is reaffirmed after a journey that nearly ends in death. Christmas horror devours an entire family in The Big Red Gift.

“”Master Canadian storyteller Biff Mitchell pulls us into the beauty of nature with his perfect literary prose. In "Downstream," four friends, adrift in canoes on a meandering river, are separated and realize the meaning of fear in a magnificent Canadian wilderness.”  BJ Lowry, publisher of the original Clearings collection

eMarketing Tools for Writers, 2nd Edition
This book gets you right into promoting your books using free to inexpensive online tools. In easy-to-understand language, you'll learn how to use state-of-the-art Internet technologies such as RSS news feeds, podcasts, Internet radio, and blogs. You'll learn how to use forums, ezines and free media release services to market your books.

“...these methods can be used for both those people with online businesses who depend almost entirely on internet marketing and those individuals who want to increase their promotional efforts for their brick and mortar businesses.” Tami Brady in TCM Reviews

Twisted Tails: An Anthology to Surprise and Delight

From Hollywood Experts and Published Writers: Words of Wisdom for Starving Artists

From Hollywood Experts and Published Authors contains gems of experience-based wisdom and advice from an attorney specializing in intellectual property law in Century City and the out-going President of the Los Angeles Copyright Society, a personal manager for Hollywood actors, a Hollywood teacher and movie extra, a “Fictionwise eBook Author of the Year,” a creator of websites listed among the “Writer’s Digest 101 Best Websites for Writers”, and much more. Based on articles from author Marilyn Peake’s popular newsletter, The Golden Goblet, this book is a treasure chest of advice and inspiration. Check out my article on the 2006 Maritime Writers’ Workshop and Literary Festival.

Join the 21st Century return to the short story and order the best of Biff shorts here.

Where I’ve been, what I’ve done, and the people important to me.