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Assholes. They’re everywhere. You can’t escape them. You’re sitting at home in the evening relaxing in front of the boob
tube after a hard day of work. The phone rings. You think it’s your buddies calling up to invite you out for booze and party. You pick up the phone.
“Hello! Yeah, I’m ready for booze and party!”
“Is this XYZ?”
“Yeah, but what does that have to do with booze and party?”
“We want you to buy our new ZyLXistas. We don’t care if you don’t need it. We want you to buy it. We don’t care if you
don’t know what it is. We want you to buy it. Why? Because. Because I’m calling you and I’m TELLING you to buy it. So fuck your boob tube and your relaxation and buy our fucking ZyLXistas right now or
we’ll fucking well call you all night long you useless fucker! What’s your credit card number, bitch!”
Sound familiar?
I get it all the time.
It’s part of a whole new phenomenon in our modern “enlightened” society. It’s called the Age of Assholes. It’s replacing
the Post Industrial Revolution, The Information Age and the Era of Stupid Wars.
This is the time in which goons who don’t know how to skate and sucker-punch players who know how to play the game and get
a slap on the wrist when the rest of us would go to jail for assault. And the whole thing is witnessed by millions of viewers. But then, they’re all assholes too, or they would stop watching.
Assholes.
They’re everywhere.
They’re in our mail offering us lower interest rates (but higher service fees). They’re sitting across from us in
restaurants, talking into their cell phones while we wait for them to remember they invited us
for lunch. They’re telling us that our call is important while they make us wait half an hour for thirty seconds of service because they really don’t give a fuck about us. They blow their noses and cough and hack at the table right next to you in the restaurant where you just ordered fifty bucks worth of food that you don’t want to eat anymore.
Fucking assholes.
They should all die.
Every fucking one of them.
In The Baton, they do.
Unfortunately.
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