Web site of Biff Mitchell, author, humorist, smartass and not-poet.

 

Smoke Break

Cover Art by Stacey Perry

ISBN: 1-59080-290-X

“This is a quick fun read and shows Mitchell’s sense of humor. While taking a cigarette break, our narrator notices a rip in the grate of the air conditioning system. Inside the grate something is moving and it turns out to be a giant spider who is curious about mankind. Our narrator spends several days trying to explain mankind until the spider decides to tell him the difference between his species and ours. It’s a bit warped but I liked it and I’m sure a lot of you will too.”

Barry Hunter, in Baryon Online

Interview by Ian Blechschmidt

A Peek at Smoke Break

Gratuitous Cat Picture

A twig? Too small. A branch? No. A thick, black spine, leading to what looked like a joint, and then tapering to another joint, and tapering into a smaller spine. No, not a branch, not wood, but something definitely familiar. Where had he seen that shape before?

He bent forward cautiously. The long black spine moved slowly back and forth. Gotta be something caught in there, moving with the exhaust. And then another one appeared from the left side of the hole, exactly like the first, long and shiny black, three spines tapering down through two joints. And they both stretched straight forward and stopped, forming two parallel spines about six inches apart, each at least three feet long.

Where the hell had he seen those before? Still bent forward, peering into the torn grill, He stepped back. Something too deliberate in the movement of those things, something too familiar that wasn’t invoking any pleasant memories, something sinister in the way they just lay there side by side, so intent on remaining still.

And then he heard it.

Not from outside, but inside, inside his head, like something effervescent bubbling into his awareness, the bubbles bursting into words strung together with no tone, no pitch, no base or treble. Just the meaning of the words.

“What are you?”

Kyle jumped back, almost losing his balance, the cigarette dropping through his fingers, burning them as it passed through.

“Shit!”

Regaining his balance, he looked around, eyes popping wild, shaking his hand as though he could shake the burning away. No one was there. Just hundreds of empty cars boiling under the blistering sun, and beyond the parking lot, the city fuming in a smoggy haze. Gotta be the heat, the nicotine high. Sweat stung his eyes. He wiped them with both hands, felt the pinching hurt in his fingers begin to loosen into a throb, then waved his hand in a futile attempt to cool the burning fingers. He looked back at the hole in the grill.

The spines were gone.

Too creepy. Too much heat. He stepped quickly to the door, opened it and walked into the cool of the building.

And if you think the spider is weird...this is Pico. He’s been trying to kill me by stuffing wads of paper into my ears as I sleep ever since he showed up at my home, uninvited, unwanted, and definitely unnatural around the turn of the millennium.

Also from Echelon Press as a Dollar Download

The book that dares you not to feel at least a bit of empathy for the guy doing all the killing. And then you reach the ending.

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